What's with the 3 Rs in my name ?

I was born Markus Pelt in a little town in Holland. Throughout my youth I went by the written name "Mark" which any native Dutch person would pronounce as two syllables with a strong rolling "R" sound in the middle.

When I moved to the USA at age 14, the pronunciation of my name by Americans changed to the English version of "Mark", which does not sound at all like my original name. For almost 30 years I let that slide, figuring that I should adapt to local customs.

Then in 2002, I took a More To Life training seminar (see www.MoreToLife.org), and on the registration form it had a special box that said: "Name you would like to be called?". I wrote "Mark pronounced the Dutch way with a strong rolling R". I felt embarrassed for asking, but amazingly, the entire team tried very hard to honor my request.

What's in a name?

It started dawning on me that this all was more or less a metaphor for how I had always lived my life: adapt, adjust and be flexible to your circumstances. I had a really difficult time watching some of the team members squirming to get my name pronounced "right". It actually made me very uncomfortable: that others were going out of their way for me. It also illuminated that I've never felt worthy. Who am I to ask people to change ?

I Don't Fit In

It finally dawned on me that my request to reclaim my name was running parallel to my personal growth: reclaiming my life, my identity, and my uniqueness. Throughout my life, I was moving from country to country, language to language, culture to culture, old friends to new friends. The book title "Stranger In A Strange Land"  fit my life to a tee. I never felt I fit in, even in Holland (I developed an English accent in my Dutch).

I Should Fit In

The self talk of "I don't fit in", turned in to "I have to fit in." And "I don't belong anywhere" turned in to "I am not at home anywhere." I got driven about learning languages perfectly, finding out how to fit in, and not "stick out". And despite all that, it was obvious I could not hide the fact that I was different. Not just in culture and language, but also in empathy and intelligence and many other areas I discovered over the years.

I am unique

And now I finally see that my uniqueness is something I can cherish, rather than try to hide, or feel bad about. I know it may sound so mundane, so simple and obvious, to the left brain. But when "uniqueness" is being equated to "abnormal" or "not fitting in", it's not at all obvious that it can be cherished, treasured, nurtured and further developed. I finally embrace my own uniqueness.

I am Marrrek

So now here I am, spelling my name phonetically, with a web site even to reflect that uniqueness. Perhaps it's over the top (more mind talk), but if Cherilyn Sarkisian can be just Cher, and Madonna Louise Ciccone can be just Madonna, then I can just be Marrrek.